I .. want to …

screw you, Business Maths. (Yes, I do realise screw is a bad word. I’ve been using that word far too much lately.)  Well, after like 3 months of ‘studying’ the subject Business Maths, it will come to an end tomorrow. It’s the finals and I finished studying it in like 2 hours. I’m only aiming for a pass after all. I have my core subject, Accounting to worry about.

And I shouldn’t actually be here. But I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. I mean about two days back, I was just really upset over something. Like so upset, I thought I could not go on living anymore. I told no one what happened, I didn’t know how to put them in words, knowing pretty well they wouldn’t understand what I’m going through after all.  I guessed keeping it all inside me was way easier.. at least that was what I thought. It’s actually harder and it’s coming back to me again. I guess I haven’t completely gotten over it yet. It’s hard to try to ignore it because every single day I am reminded of what I loss. What could have been, what I should have done and by not doing anything, I lost it all. I feel so caged. I want to break free but

I can’t. And no, it might be hard to believe me, but trust me this ain’t about guys. It’s something entirely different.

Sighs. I think that is about it for now. I ought to get back to studying, wouldn’t want to risk my exams over this. And I’m oh-so-tired of swollen eyes. Enough already, I want my not-so-panda-like eyes back. I look like shit in that picture, right? I think even shit looks better than I do. I slept at 2ish am after perhaps crying an ocean. I have only myself to blame. I am so not doing that to myself ever again.

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